Me and my Hijab

After reading Hispanic Muslimahs post about veiling and her experience with it I was inspired to write about my own struggle. Thank you to all the beautiful sisters and their wonderful stories these blogs inspire and feed my soul everyday.

So here goes this is my journey to hijab:

I was born and raised into a haitian catholic family, when I converted to Islam my family was not angry at me or didnt shun me but they were confused with my decision and did'nt understand why I would choose Islam . They had all the stereotypical viewpoints of Islam and muslims they thought it was violent and oppresive towards women. I was also a single mom with a son and they thought I would me judged and wouldnt be able to get married since muslims only marry virgins (lol).

I understood and respected their concerns but I was also firm and stood my ground. I was the butt of most jokes which is inevitable as I come from a funny and close knit family. I knew for a long time that it was my duty as a muslim to wear the hijab, I held off wearing it for a long time as I felt like my ties to my familial identity would be cut off as I would no longer look like anyone else in my family (in dress anyways). I was afraid of what my cousins and aunts would think and it would help in reinforcing their ideas that we are oppressed.

One of my good friends told me one day that if I was waiting to be comfortable with the idea of wearing the hijab that it would never happen, she said no one is born wearing the hijab everyone makes a choice. She told me to take a leap of faith towards my creator as there is nothing else better to take a blind leap towards, she said if I took one step towards Allah (swt), Allah (swt) would take 10 steps towards me. This was the best advice anyone could have given me, that night I went into my grandmothers room and went scavenger hunting for one of her square shawls, I arranged my outfit on the bed and the next morning I showered,dressed, and put on my hijab. I didnt even know how to put it on properly and it didnt help that it was my grandmothers square shawl. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I look like a Russian peasant ( no offense towards any Russians). I felt so alien in my body that day I walked outside feeling like everyone was staring at me. After a month of miserably wearing and hating my hijab everyday I decided to take it off. I said to myself "why are you making yourself so miserable no one is forcing you to wear it" .

The next morning when I went out for the first time without my hijab after a month of wearing it I felt so naked and uncomfortable. I was so amazed and awestruck at the miracle of my creator. I realised that because I did something that I didnt like at the pleasure of my Lord he made me fall in love with my Hijab. I am a firm believer that if you take 1 step towards Allah (swt) Allah (swt) will take 10 steps towards you . I have since then never felt comfortable without my hijab. I cant say that old insecurities or doubts have never creeped in, but I have never since felt comfortable without my hijab.

It also helped that I stopped wearing my grandmas ugly square scarf and bought many beautifuls shaylas and pashminas. I also had some wonderful sisters and my mother-in-law as well as very informative youtube videos teach me how to style my hijab fashionably. While I respect many sisters who choose not to wear the hijab I would just like to add that it is not a choice but an obligation and like any obligation whether you choose to act on it is your choice, but hijab is Fard. I love all my muslims sisters and my friends reflect my wide choices I am BFFs with a devout sister who dosnt cover as well as one in full niqab. I respect each individuals decision to worship how they feel comfortable but in religious manners I like to call a duck a duck and not what I feel it should be.

" O prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of believers to draw their cloaks close round them ( when they go abroad). That will be better, so that they may be recognised and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful." (Quaran 33:59)